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±+ f The RUTHIN Illustrated Magazine Jk MOHTHLY JO0RH&L FOR &hh CLASSES. To Inform. To Instruct. To Amuse. No. 9. Yol. 1. OCTOBER, 1879. TWO PENCE. One of our Staff has gone abroad: he has been a good deal at sea, too. He has been seeing Erin. [This is no joke, but a fact.] To put it plainer he has gone to Ireland. He will find a good deal of ire here also when he returns, as he is now behind time and has not sent " copy." For the benefit of our readers we quote some remarks from a letter received from him a few days ago. He crossed the channel in the Royal Mail Steam Ship '• Minister,"—Captain Slaughter—which he says is luxurious travelling, compared to the uncomfortable passages of yore. He advises all tourists bound for the Emerald Isle to pack up, and be off at once before Winter regularly sets in. The " Munster " is one of the City of Dublin Steam Ship Company's steamers, is 250 feet in length, and magnificently fitted up. Captain Slaughter has been long in the Company's service, and our correspondent speaks in terms of high praise of his attention and ability. He speaks from experience, so anyone going to Ireland may be sure of a pleasant sea trip (weather permitting) if he patronizes the'Munster' A PHILOSOPHICAL FIEND. 1 I should like to sell you a gimlet,' said a care¬ worn looking man, as he walked into an office the other day. ' We have no use for one,' replied the cashier. ' But you should always look in the misty fu¬ ture,' went on the fiend, demurely; ' next winter you will want to make holes in your boot heels, so that you can get your skates on.' ' I use club skates—no straps required.' 1 You may want to screw some boards together some time. The old fashioned method of driving the screws with the hammer is pernicious, as it deteriorates the tenacity of the fangs of the screw, as it were.' ' Nothing to-day, Sir.' ' This gimlet also acts as a corkscrew.' * I don't want it.' * It also may be used as a tack-hammer; a cigar holder, and a tooth brush.' 'I don't want it.' 1 It has an eraser, a pen, an inkstand, a table for computing compound interest, and a lunch box attachment. 41 can't help it; I don't want it.' ' I know you don't: you are one of those mean men that won't buy a gimlet unless it has a res¬ taurant and a trip through Europe and an Italian opera company attached. You are the kind of a man who would live near an electric light to save a gas bill.' And the pedlar walked out with his mental plumage on the perpendicular. I REMEMBER- Arras T. Hood. I remember, I remember The hut where I was born : The creaking door through whioh my dad Came tumbling in at morn. He never came without the spoils He'd poached—then slept all day; And now I often wish some night I'd gone mt/*eZ/away. I remember, I remember The bread more black than white : The smuggled gin, the pewter oups Which I had to scrub bright. The secret holes in which were hid The nets I used to net. The bobbies burnt them long ago— I am living yet. I remember, I remember The stones I used to fling— In idle days, to amuse myself— At swallows on the wing : The spirits that I used to fetch, Which father drank, I vow, Till Summer pool could hardly cool The fever on his brow. I remember, I remember The fir trees dark and high : I had to clime their slender spires To act the poacher's spy. It was a child's necessity, But oh! 'tis now such joy To know I'm better off by far Than when I was a boy. Purmo Billy.